Things You Should Know Before You Have a Catholic Wedding

Brief Overview

• A Catholic wedding is not a venue booking or a ceremony style, it is the reception of a sacrament, and the Church will hold you to that standard from the first conversation with your priest to the day you say your vows.
• The preparation process typically takes at least six months and includes mandatory programs, paperwork, interviews, and potentially a compatibility assessment that will ask you questions most couples have never talked about openly.
• If either of you has been married before, you cannot simply walk into a parish and schedule a date, because a previous marriage must first be examined by a Church tribunal before you are free to marry in the Church.
• Marrying a non-Catholic, or marrying someone who was never baptized, introduces a set of canonical requirements and permissions that most couples are completely unprepared for when they first inquire at the parish office.
• A Catholic wedding must ordinarily take place inside a Catholic church, and the romantic idea of a garden, beach, or barn ceremony requires a formal dispensation from your bishop that is not automatically granted.
• The Church teaches that marriage is permanent, open to children, and exclusive to one man and one woman, and any couple entering it with private reservations about any of those properties is not entering a valid Catholic marriage, regardless of what they say at the altar.

This Is a Sacrament, Not a Ceremony

The very first thing you need to understand before you have a Catholic wedding is that the Church does not treat your wedding day as a celebration you are hosting inside its building. The Church treats it as the moment you and your spouse confer a sacrament on each other, and that framing changes everything about how the process works (CCC 1601). When you call a parish to ask about booking a date, the priest or wedding coordinator is not functioning like a venue manager, they are functioning as a representative of the Church who is responsible for ensuring that what happens on that altar is spiritually and canonically real. The paperwork, the interviews, the marriage preparation programs, and the months of waiting are all ordered toward one goal: making sure the sacrament is valid. The Church cares far less about your color scheme and far more about whether you each understand what you are freely, fully, and faithfully consenting to. Most couples come in thinking of the priest as an officiant and leave the first meeting somewhat surprised to find that the Church has genuine authority over who can marry, when, where, and under what conditions. That authority is not arbitrary. It flows from the Church’s conviction that marriage between two baptized persons is not merely a human contract but a covenant established and elevated by Christ himself (CCC 1617). The beautiful church, the flowers, the music, and the reception are legitimate goods, and there is nothing wrong with wanting a beautiful day. What trips people up is when the beauty of the event becomes the point, and the sacrament becomes a backdrop. If you enter this process with the sacrament as the priority, everything else falls into place much more smoothly. If you enter it primarily as a wedding planner who needs a church checked off your list, you will run into friction at almost every step. Understanding this from the start saves you significant frustration.

The Timeline Is Longer Than You Think

One of the most commonly repeated surprises among couples who attempt to plan a Catholic wedding is just how far in advance they need to contact the parish. Most dioceses require at least six months of marriage preparation before the wedding can take place, and many parishes strongly prefer a full year of lead time. Some popular parishes in larger cities routinely book out twelve to eighteen months simply because of demand, and if you add in the preparation requirements, you realistically need to begin this process before you have even started looking at reception venues. The preparation process itself is not a single meeting with a priest. It typically involves a formal intake interview, a compatibility or readiness questionnaire, completion of a Pre-Cana or similar diocesan marriage preparation program, and a number of follow-up meetings with your pastor or assigned deacon. Pre-Cana programs vary by diocese and can be delivered as weekend retreats, weekly sessions over several months, or online courses, but they are mandatory, and your priest cannot simply waive them because you feel you already know each other well enough. The Church’s position is that even couples who have been together for years benefit from structured preparation, because Pre-Cana is not primarily about whether you love each other but about whether you understand what you are agreeing to theologically and practically (CCC 1632). You will also need to gather documents: your baptismal certificate issued within the last six months, your confirmation certificate, and in some dioceses, proof of your parents’ marriage or other sacramental records. If you were baptized in a different parish than the one where you now live, those records take time to obtain. If your partner is not Catholic, their baptismal records from their own church may also be required. Start this process early. The couples who experience the most stress in Catholic wedding planning are almost always the ones who called the parish three months before their desired date and were told the process had not yet begun.

What Pre-Cana Actually Covers

Many couples assume Pre-Cana is a gentle, feel-good weekend where people talk about love and pray together. That is partly true, but the content is more specific and sometimes more confronting than people expect. A thorough Pre-Cana program will cover the theology of marriage as the Church understands it, including the meaning of consent, the essential properties of unity, indissolubility, and openness to children (CCC 1664). It will also cover practical topics like communication, finances, conflict resolution, roles in the home, and parenting intentions. Many programs use a pre-marital inventory such as FOCCUS or PREPARE, which is a written questionnaire both partners complete independently. A trained facilitator then reviews your responses and identifies areas of significant disagreement or concern. These inventories are not pass-or-fail tests, but they do reveal real differences in values and expectations, and facilitators are trained to raise those differences openly. Some couples report that Pre-Cana was the first time they actually had a serious conversation about whether they both wanted children, how they planned to raise them religiously, how they each handle money, and what their expectations were about the role of extended family. These are not comfortable conversations for every couple, and the inventory makes it harder to avoid them. The facilitator may also raise the Church’s teaching on contraception, since the Church’s understanding of openness to fertility is a genuine requirement for valid consent, not an optional add-on (CCC 1664). This surprises some couples who assumed the Church’s teaching on contraception was something they could privately disagree with and still proceed. The short answer is that you can proceed and many couples do, but your priest or facilitator is obligated to ensure you understand the Church’s teaching. How you respond to that teaching in your private life is between you, your spouse, and God.

The Paperwork Is More Serious Than Most People Realize

Every couple getting married in the Catholic Church must complete a formal pre-nuptial investigation, which is a structured process through which the priest or deacon verifies that both parties are free to marry and capable of valid consent. This is not optional, and it is not a formality. The investigation typically includes individual interviews with both the bride and groom conducted separately, meaning the priest speaks to each of you alone to ask whether you are entering marriage freely, without coercion, and with a genuine understanding of what marriage is. He will ask whether either of you has been previously married in any ceremony, civil or religious. He will ask whether you are aware of any impediments to your marriage, and he will ask about your intentions regarding fidelity, permanence, and children. The reason the interviews are conducted separately is precisely because the Church wants to be sure that neither partner is being pressured by the other. If either of you has been previously baptized Catholic and attempted marriage in a civil ceremony without Church permission, that prior attempt constitutes a canonical irregularity that must be addressed before you can marry validly. If your partner was previously married in any form and that marriage was never annulled, that previous bond is presumed valid by Church law until a tribunal determines otherwise. This is not a technicality. It goes to the heart of whether you are actually free to marry. Do not withhold information from your priest during this investigation. Priests are not there to judge you but to help ensure that the marriage you enter is real and valid. Couples who are honest during this process, even when it is uncomfortable, are far better off than those who omit relevant information and discover the problem later.

Previous Marriages Change Everything

If either you or your partner has been previously married, the Catholic wedding process becomes significantly more involved, and this is the single most misunderstood area of Catholic marriage preparation. The Church presumes that a valid marriage, once contracted, remains binding until death (CCC 1640). A civil divorce, no matter how final it is in the eyes of the state, does not dissolve a sacramental bond in the Church’s understanding. This means that if your previous marriage was a Catholic wedding, or even a valid non-Catholic wedding between two baptized persons, that bond is presumed to still exist unless the Church’s tribunal formally declares that the marriage was invalid from the beginning. That declaration is called a decree of nullity, commonly known as an annulment. The annulment process involves submitting a petition to your diocesan tribunal, providing a detailed account of the previous marriage and its breakdown, listing witnesses who can corroborate your account, and waiting for the tribunal to review the case. The process can take anywhere from several months to over two years depending on the complexity of the case and the workload of the tribunal. Pope Francis streamlined the process somewhat in 2015 for certain straightforward cases, and many U.S. dioceses now charge little to no fee for the process, though administrative costs may apply depending on the diocese. Until the tribunal issues its decision, you cannot move forward with planning a Catholic wedding. This is not negotiable. If you or your partner suspects that a previous marriage may need to be examined, contact your parish as early as possible, because this step cannot be rushed, and it cannot happen in parallel with other wedding planning in a meaningful way. Many couples are caught off guard by this timeline and find themselves postponing their wedding by a year or more.

Marrying a Non-Catholic Is Possible, But Not Simple

A large number of Catholic weddings involve one partner who is not Catholic, and the Church does provide a framework for these situations, but it comes with requirements that genuinely matter. If your partner is a baptized Christian from another denomination, the Church calls this a mixed marriage, and your pastor needs to obtain formal permission from the local ordinary before the wedding can proceed. If your partner has never been baptized at all, whether they are of another faith, agnostic, or atheist, the Church calls this a situation of disparity of cult, and in that case a formal dispensation, not merely permission, is required from the bishop for the marriage to be valid. These are not the same thing, and the distinction matters canonically. In a mixed marriage, both partners are baptized, so the marriage is sacramental even though one party is not Catholic. In a disparity-of-cult situation, the non-baptized partner cannot receive the sacrament, so the marriage is valid but not sacramental in the full theological sense. As part of the permission or dispensation process, the Catholic partner is required to promise to continue practicing the Catholic faith and to do everything reasonably possible to have any children from the marriage baptized and raised Catholic (CCC 1633). Your non-Catholic partner must be informed of this promise but is not required to make it themselves. Many interfaith couples handle this well when they discuss it openly before the wedding. Problems arise when the Catholic partner makes the promise at the parish without telling their spouse what was agreed. Have the conversation together, honestly and early, so there are no surprises about the expectation regarding children’s religious upbringing.

The Wedding Ordinarily Must Happen in a Catholic Church

This is the point where many couples experience their first serious conflict with Church requirements, because the idea of a garden ceremony, a destination beach wedding, or a ceremony in a family’s historic non-Catholic church is genuinely appealing, and the Church’s default position is that it cannot happen without specific authorization. Canon 1118 of the Code of Canon Law specifies that marriage between two Catholics should ordinarily take place in a parish church. For a mixed marriage, the ceremony may take place in another church with proper permission. A Catholic marrying outside of any church entirely, whether at a winery, a park, a hotel ballroom, or a barn, requires a dispensation from the canonical form of marriage, meaning a formal permission from the local bishop that exempts the couple from the ordinary requirement to marry in a Catholic church. This dispensation is not automatically granted. The bishop must judge that there are serious and legitimate reasons for it, and the couple still needs to go through all the normal preparation steps, though the actual ceremony may be presided over by a non-Catholic minister or civil official. If a Catholic marries outside the Church without obtaining this dispensation, the marriage is invalid in the eyes of the Church (CCC 1631). This is not a small thing. It means the couple is not married in the Church’s understanding, which has real implications for their sacramental life, including access to the Eucharist. If you genuinely have a reason for wanting to marry outside a Catholic church, talk to your priest early and honestly. The process exists for a reason, and not every request is denied, but you must go through proper channels.

Mass or No Mass: You Need to Understand the Difference

When a Catholic marries another Catholic, the standard and recommended form is a nuptial Mass, also called marriage within Mass, which includes the full Eucharistic liturgy along with the rite of marriage. When a Catholic marries a baptized non-Catholic, the Church generally recommends the Order of Celebrating Matrimony Without Mass, sometimes called marriage outside Mass or a wedding ceremony without Communion. The reason for this recommendation is straightforward: the Eucharist is reserved for Catholics who are in a state of grace and in full communion with the Church. If the bride or groom is not Catholic, they cannot receive Communion, and having a full Mass where the non-Catholic spouse and potentially most of the guests are excluded from the central act of the liturgy can create a moment of visible division at what should be a moment of unity. That said, some couples choose to have a nuptial Mass even in mixed-marriage situations, and this is permitted. The pastor will discuss the options with you and help you make a decision that reflects both the theology and the pastoral reality of your particular situation. If your partner is not Catholic and you choose to have a nuptial Mass, both of you need to understand clearly what it means for your partner to stand at the altar and not receive Communion during your wedding. Some couples find this theologically meaningful and choose the nuptial Mass deliberately. Others find it pastorally awkward and prefer the ceremony without Mass. Neither choice makes your wedding less valid or your marriage less sacramental. The important thing is that you make the decision together, with full understanding of what each option involves.

Your Vows Are a Legal and Theological Act of Consent

The Catholic Church teaches that the ministers of the sacrament of marriage are the bride and the groom themselves, not the priest (CCC 1623). The priest or deacon serves as the Church’s official witness and receives the consent on behalf of the Church, but the consent you exchange with each other is the actual substance of the sacrament. This means that the vows are not a formality or a ceremonial highlight. They are the moment the marriage is made. For consent to be valid, it must be free, which means no serious coercion or fear. It must be informed, meaning both parties understand what marriage is. It must be full, meaning neither party privately intends to exclude any essential property of marriage. And it must be deliberate, meaning both parties are capable of understanding and intending what they are doing (CCC 1625-1628). If either partner secretly intends never to have children, intends to reserve the right to leave if things become difficult, intends to continue a relationship with someone else, or does not actually believe the marriage is permanent, then the consent is defective and the marriage is invalid from the moment it is attempted, even if every external form was observed perfectly. This is not a theoretical point. It is precisely what the tribunal investigates when someone later seeks a decree of nullity. The tribunal is not examining what went wrong after the wedding. It is examining whether something was already absent or defective on the wedding day itself. Many people who receive a decree of nullity are told that their original consent was flawed, and while that outcome can bring relief to those in broken marriages, it also demonstrates just how much weight the Church places on what you are saying and intending at the altar.

The Church’s Teaching on Contraception Is Part of This Conversation

This is the teaching that most Catholic couples either avoid discussing during marriage preparation or privately decide to disregard, but it belongs in any honest account of what a Catholic wedding commits you to theologically. The Church teaches that each act of marriage must remain open to the possibility of new life, and that deliberately closing off fertility through artificial contraception contradicts the meaning of the conjugal act as the Church understands it (CCC 2370). This teaching is found in Humanae Vitae and affirmed throughout the Catechism, and it is directly connected to the essential property of openness to fertility that is part of valid marital consent (CCC 1664). What this means practically is that your marriage preparation will include a discussion of Natural Family Planning, which is the Church-approved means of spacing births by tracking the wife’s natural cycle. NFP is not the same as the older rhythm method, and modern methods have been shown in studies to be highly effective when used correctly and consistently. Whether you and your spouse ultimately follow the Church’s teaching in your private life is a matter for your own conscience and your relationship with God. But you should not enter a Catholic marriage without understanding that this is a genuine part of what the Church asks of you, not a suggestion you can quietly set aside without any moral weight. Your Pre-Cana facilitator will present this teaching to you, and some couples find it clarifying and even welcome. Others find it challenging and need time to pray through it. Either response is honest. What is not honest is pretending the teaching does not apply to you simply because it is inconvenient.

The Witnesses and Attendants Have Real Roles

In a Catholic wedding, you are required to have at least two witnesses present whose role is to attest to the fact that the marriage took place and that the consent was exchanged properly. Most couples have a wedding party with a maid of honor and a best man serving as the official witnesses, but any two people of legal age who are present and able to attest to the consent can serve in this capacity. The Church has no requirement that your witnesses or attendants be Catholic, but some parishes do have additional local norms about who can serve in what capacity. If you are planning to have a non-Catholic serve as a witness or as part of the wedding party, check with your parish coordinator in advance to understand any local expectations. The role of godparents or padrinos in some cultural traditions can also intersect with Catholic wedding customs in specific ways, particularly in Hispanic and Filipino communities where padrinos may sponsor specific elements of the liturgy. These traditions are beautiful and the Church generally accommodates them, but it is important to communicate clearly with your priest about which elements fit within the Church’s liturgical norms and which may need to be adapted. The music chosen for your wedding is also subject to Church oversight. The Church requires that music used during the liturgy be appropriate for sacred worship (CCC 1156-1158). This means that popular secular songs, no matter how meaningful they are to you personally, are generally not permitted during the Mass itself. Many parishes have a music director who works with couples to find sacred music that is still personal and meaningful. This is another area where early communication with your parish prevents last-minute disappointments.

The Church Has No Interest in Your Guest List, But It Does Care About Your Living Situation

One of the questions that comes up frequently in pre-marital preparation is whether the Church requires or expects couples to not be living together before marriage. The Church’s teaching on cohabitation before marriage is clear: sexual union belongs within marriage, and living together in a sexually active relationship before the wedding is contrary to Church teaching (CCC 2350-2391). Your priest is not going to refuse to marry you because you are cohabiting, and the canonical form does not require you to move out before your wedding date. But during your pre-marital investigation, the priest may address this with you directly, and your Pre-Cana program will present the Church’s teaching on chastity and its relationship to the integrity of marriage. Many couples who are cohabiting feel anxious about this conversation and wonder if it means the Church will refuse them. In the vast majority of cases it does not, but the conversation is real and it is worth being prepared for it. What is more directly relevant to your canonical situation is whether you have been living in a civil or non-Church marriage before seeking a Catholic wedding. If either of you was previously civilly married, that situation involves a canonical irregularity that genuinely does affect your ability to proceed, as discussed earlier with respect to the tribunal process. Living together without a previous marriage is a pastoral and moral concern the Church raises but does not use as a canonical bar to marriage. Living together while technically still married to someone else in the Church’s understanding is a different matter entirely.

Understanding the Difference Between Valid, Licit, and Sacramental

Catholic canon law uses specific terms to describe different categories of marriage, and understanding these terms will help you make sense of what your priest is telling you during preparation. A valid marriage is one that actually exists in the eyes of the Church because all the essential requirements were met. A licit marriage is one that was not only valid but also followed all the proper procedures and rules, including obtaining all necessary permissions. A sacramental marriage is a valid marriage between two baptized persons that is also elevated to the level of a sacrament. A marriage can be valid but not licit, for example if a dispensation was required but the couple did not obtain it before proceeding. A marriage can be valid but not sacramental, for example if one of the parties is not baptized, as in a disparity-of-cult situation. Most Catholics who go through the full preparation process and marry in a Catholic church end up with a marriage that is valid, licit, and sacramental. But knowing these distinctions matters because they affect what remedies are available if something in the process goes wrong and because they affect how the Church understands the status of marriages from other contexts. When the Church examines a previous marriage through its tribunal, it is asking whether that marriage was valid. Whether it was licit or sacramental matters for the level of theological weight the bond carries, but the fundamental question is always validity. If you have any uncertainty about the status of a previous marriage or relationship, discussing it openly with your priest early in the preparation process is far better than letting ambiguity linger until it creates a problem.

Your Parish Priest Is Not the Only Authority Involved

Many couples assume that once their parish priest is on board with their wedding plans, everything else is a formality. In reality, your parish priest is acting within a hierarchical structure that involves your bishop and your diocesan marriage preparation office, and some decisions require authorization from those levels. Dispensations from the canonical form, permissions for mixed marriages, dispensations from the impediment of disparity of cult, and certain other permissions must come from the local ordinary, which typically means the bishop or his delegate. Your parish priest will usually handle the paperwork and submit the requests on your behalf, but the priest cannot simply grant these things by personal decision. This is worth knowing because it means the timeline for some decisions is not entirely within your priest’s control. If your situation involves any complexity, such as a previous marriage, an interfaith situation, a request to marry outside a Catholic church, or any other departure from the standard case, build in extra time for the additional processes involved. It also means that if you move or change parishes during the preparation period, which does happen, you need to transfer your file and reestablish your relationship with the new parish priest so that nothing falls through the gaps. Some dioceses have a centralized marriage preparation office that tracks all couples going through the process, which makes transitions smoother. Others rely primarily on the parish level. Find out how your diocese operates so you know who to contact if questions or delays arise.

The Financial Reality of a Catholic Wedding

The Church’s wedding fees are generally modest compared to the overall cost of a wedding celebration. Most parishes charge a fee for the use of the church building, which can range from a few hundred dollars to over a thousand depending on the parish, the diocese, and whether you are a registered parishioner. Some parishes charge separately for the rehearsal, the organist or cantor, and other liturgical services. Registered parishioners who have been active in their parish community often receive reduced fees or no fees at all for the ceremony. What the Church charges for the sacrament itself is nothing. The sacrament is free. What couples often find expensive is everything surrounding the sacrament: the reception venue, catering, photography, flowers, attire, and all the other elements of a modern wedding celebration. The average cost of a wedding in the United States has climbed well above thirty thousand dollars in recent years, and a Catholic wedding with a reception is subject to all the same financial pressures as any other wedding. The Church does not require you to have an elaborate celebration, and many couples choose modest receptions or smaller guest lists without any diminishment of the sacramental meaning of the day. It is worth having an honest conversation early in the planning process about what you can actually afford, because the debt that some couples accumulate to fund a single day of celebration can create financial stress that follows them into the early years of marriage. Your Pre-Cana program will likely address finances directly, and it is worth taking that conversation seriously rather than treating it as a box to check.

What Happens If You Skip the Church Process

Some Catholic couples, whether out of impatience, distance from the Church, or the desire to marry on their own terms, choose to have a civil wedding or a ceremony in a non-Catholic setting without obtaining the necessary dispensations. They may intend to have their marriage blessed or validated in the Church at a later point. It is important to understand what this means from the Church’s perspective while you are in this situation. A Catholic who attempts marriage outside the Church without a dispensation from the canonical form is not considered married in the Church’s eyes. This is not a judgment about the quality of their relationship or the sincerity of their commitment to each other. It is a canonical determination about the validity of the marriage as a sacrament (CCC 1631). One of the practical consequences is that a Catholic in this situation is not in a state of grace with respect to the Eucharist, meaning they should not receive Communion while their marriage remains unvalidated by the Church. This is a serious matter that affects their full participation in the sacramental life of the Church. The process for having a civil marriage recognized and validated by the Church is called convalidation, sometimes informally called a “blessing of the marriage,” and it involves repeating the exchange of consent in proper canonical form before a priest. If both parties are free to marry in the Church and there are no impediments, convalidation is usually a straightforward process. But it requires going back to the beginning of the marriage preparation process, including the pre-marital investigation, to confirm that everything that should have been done before the civil wedding is now in order. The better course of action is always to go through the proper process before the wedding, not after.

Spiritual Preparation Is Not Optional Even If It Feels That Way

Every element of Catholic marriage preparation has a spiritual dimension, but in busy lives with full calendars, many couples treat the spiritual aspects of preparation as the least urgent part of the checklist. This is a mistake that many couples recognize only in retrospect. The Catechism describes the sacrament of marriage as a source of specific grace ordered to perfecting the couple’s love and strengthening their commitment to live out the demands of their vocation (CCC 1641-1642). That grace is real, but grace operates through openness. A couple who enters the wedding day having checked off all the boxes but having never prayed together, never discussed their shared faith life, and never talked seriously about what it means to be a Catholic household is leaving something significant on the table. Your priest or deacon will likely encourage you to attend Mass together regularly during the preparation period, to go to confession before the wedding, and to find time for prayer as a couple. These are not bureaucratic suggestions. They are the practical means by which you prepare your hearts for what you are about to receive. Many couples also choose to make a day of recollection or a retreat specifically oriented to spiritual preparation for marriage. The wedding day itself should ideally include personal time for prayer, and the nuptial blessing, which the priest or bishop pronounces over the couple during the wedding ceremony, is one of the most ancient and richly theological prayers in the entire Roman rite. Take the time to read and pray with it before your wedding day so that when it is spoken over you, you receive it with full awareness of what is being asked for you.

The Day Itself Has a Structure You Should Know

A Catholic wedding ceremony, whether within Mass or outside of Mass, follows a specific liturgical structure that is set by the Church and not designed by the couple from scratch. Within that structure, there is meaningful room for personalization, including the choice of readings, the selection of music, the option to write a personal prayer after the exchange of vows in some forms, and various cultural traditions that can be incorporated with the pastor’s approval. However, the vows themselves are not something you write from scratch. The Church provides the form of the exchange of consent, and you are required to use it because the words themselves are the sacramental act (CCC 1626-1628). Some couples are disappointed by this when they had imagined writing entirely personal vows, but it helps to understand why the Church insists on this. The traditional Catholic vows are not arbitrary words. They are a theologically precise formulation of what valid consent requires, including the explicit statement of permanence, exclusivity, and acceptance of children. Personal reflections, letters, or additional statements of love are entirely welcome in certain contexts outside the formal exchange, but the sacramental consent must take the form the Church prescribes. Understanding the structure of the ceremony well in advance also helps you participate in it more fully. Couples who have read through the Order of Celebrating Matrimony before their wedding rehearsal know what is coming, why it is there, and what it means. Couples who encounter the ceremony for the first time at the rehearsal are often scrambling to understand the flow rather than entering it prayerfully.

Life After the Wedding Is What the Whole Thing Is For

Everything described in this article, the months of preparation, the paperwork, the canonical requirements, the theological conversations, all of it is ordered toward one thing: a marriage that actually works, that is grounded in grace, that remains committed through the genuinely hard seasons every marriage faces. The Church does not put couples through a demanding preparation process because it wants to make things difficult. It does so because it takes marriage seriously as a vocation, a way of life through which two people are meant to grow in holiness together and witness the covenant love of God to the world and to their children (CCC 1534, 1641). The sacramental grace of marriage is not a one-time gift given on the wedding day and then spent. The Catechism describes it as a permanent source of strength that the couple can draw on throughout their life together, particularly in times of suffering, conflict, and self-sacrifice (CCC 1642). This means that the spiritual life you build before and around your wedding matters more in the long run than any logistical detail of the day itself. Couples who pray together, who practice the faith together, who go to the sacraments together, and who take the Church’s teaching on marriage seriously as a practical guide to life have resources available to them that couples without that foundation simply do not have. The Catholic understanding of marriage is not naive about how hard it can be. Christ himself entered fully into human suffering, and the marital vocation involves a real and daily share in that kind of self-giving love. But the Church also believes that this vocation, when lived faithfully, is one of the most reliable paths to genuine human flourishing. You deserve to enter it with your eyes open, fully informed, and ready for both its demands and its rewards.

The Unspoken Rules Every Catholic Couple Should Know

There are a handful of practical realities that experienced priests and wedding coordinators know well but that rarely appear in any official preparation materials. First, not every parish will agree to marry every couple. A pastor has the right to refuse a request if he has serious concerns about the couple’s readiness or their genuine relationship with the faith. If one or both partners have not practiced the faith in years and contact the parish only to request a wedding, some pastors will ask them to reconnect with parish life before proceeding. This is not rejection. It is pastoral care. Second, the liturgical calendar affects when you can have a Catholic wedding. Weddings are not permitted on Good Friday, Holy Saturday, or other major solemnities, and some parishes restrict weddings during Lent or Advent due to the penitential nature of those seasons. Always check the liturgical calendar and your parish’s specific norms before setting a date. Third, the presider at your wedding must ordinarily be the pastor of one of the parties or someone delegated by that pastor. If you want a priest friend or family member to preside, he must receive formal delegation from your parish priest. This is a canonical requirement, not just an etiquette matter, and failure to obtain proper delegation can affect the validity of the wedding. Fourth, if your wedding involves cultural elements from traditions like Hispanic, Filipino, or other Catholic cultural expressions, the coordination required to incorporate them properly into the Roman rite liturgy can be significant, and you should begin that conversation with your priest early and with an open mind toward what is liturgically feasible. Fifth, the wedding Mass or ceremony is not the place for surprises, spontaneous deviations, or scripts the priest has not approved. Everything that will happen during the liturgy should be discussed and agreed upon in advance. This protects the dignity of the sacrament and ensures that your day runs as planned.