Letter from a Pregnant Nun who was Raped

Here is an extraordinary letter written by a young nun, Sister Lucy Vertrusc, to her mother superior. Sister Vertrusc became pregnant after she was raped in 1995 during the war in the former Yugoslavia. The letter appeared in an Italian newspaper at the behest of her Mother Superior.

“I am Lucy, one of the young nuns raped by the Serbian soldiers. I am writing to you, Mother, after what happened to my sisters Tatiana, Sandria, and me.
Allow me not to go into the details of the act. There are some experiences in life so atrocious that you cannot tell them to anyone but God, in whose service I had consecrated my life nearly a year ago.
My drama is not so much the humiliation that I suffered as a woman, not the incurable offense committed against my vocation as a religious, but the difficulty of having to incorporate into my faith an event that certainly forms part of the mysterious will of Him whom I have always considered my Divine Spouse.
Only a few days before, I had read “Dialogues of Carmelites” and spontaneously I asked our Lord to grant me the grace of joining the ranks of those who died a martyr of Him. God took me at my word, but in such a horrid way! Now I find myself lost in the anguish of internal darkness. He has destroyed the plans of my life, which I considered definitive and uplifting for me, and He has set me all of a sudden in this design of His that I feel incapable of grasping.
When I was a teenager, I wrote in my Diary: Nothing is mine, I belong to no one, and no one belongs to me. Someone, instead grabbed me one night, a night I wish never to remember, tore me off from myself, and tried to make me his own . . .
It was already daytime when I awoke and my first thought was the agony of Christ in the Garden. Inside of me a terrible battle unleashed. I asked myself why God had permitted me to be rent, destroyed precisely in what had been the meaning of my life, but also I asked to what new vocation He was calling me.
I strained to get up, and helped by Sister Josefina, I managed to straighten myself out. Then the sound of the bell of the Augustinian convent, which was right next to ours, reached my ears. It was time for nine o’clock matins.
I made the sign of the cross and began reciting in my head the liturgical hymn. At this hour upon Golgotha’s heights,/ Christ, the true Pascal Lamb,/ paid the price of our salvation.
What is my suffering, Mother, and the offense I received compared to the suffering and the offense of the One for whom I had a thousand times sworn to give my life. I spoke these words slowly, very slowly: May your will be done, above all now that 1 have no where to go and that I can only be sure of one thing: You are with me.
Mother, I am writing not in search of consolation, but so that you can help me give thanks to God for having associated me with the thousands of my fellow compatriots whose honor has been violated, and who are compelled to accept a maternity not wanted. My humiliation is added to theirs, and since I have nothing else to offer in expiation for the sin committed by those unnamed violators and for the reconciliation of the two embittered peoples, I accept this dishonor that I suffered and I entrust it to the mercy of God.
Do not be surprised, Mother, when I ask you to share with me my “thank you” that can seem absurd.
In these last months I have been crying a sea of tears for my two brothers who were assassinated by the same aggressors who go around terrorizing our towns, and I was thinking that it was not possible for me to suffer anything worse, so far from my imagination had been what was about to take place.
Every day hundreds of hungering creatures used to knock at the doors of our convent, shivering from the cold, with despair in their eyes. Some weeks ago, a young boy about eighteen years old said to me: How lucky you are to have chosen a refuge where no evil can reach you. The boy carried in his hands a rosary of praises for the Prophet. Then he added: You will never know what it means to be dishonored.
I pondered his words at length and convinced myself that there had been a hidden element to the sufferings of my people that had escaped me as I was almost ashamed to be so excluded. Now I am one of them, one of the many unknown women of my people, whose bodies have been devastated and hearts seared. The Lord had admitted me into his mystery of shame. What is more, for me, a religious, He has accorded me the privilege of being acquainted with evil in the depths of its diabolical force.

I know that from now on the words of encouragement and consolation that I can offer from my poor heart will be all the more credible, because my story is their story, and my resignation, sustained in faith, at least a reference, if not example for their moral and emotional responses.
All it takes is a sign, a little voice, a fraternal gesture to set in motion the hopes of so many undiscovered creatures.
God has chosen me-may He forgive my presumption-to guide the most humble of my people towards the dawn of redemption and freedom. They can no longer doubt the sincerity of my words, because I come, as they do, from the outskirts of revilement and profanation.

I remember the time when I used to attend the university at Rome in order to get my masters in Literature, an ancient Slavic woman, the professor of Literature, used to recite to me these verses from the poet Alexej Mislovic: You must not die/because you have been chosen/ to be a part of the day.
That night, in which I was terrorized by the Serbs for hours and hours, I repeated to myself these verses, which I felt as balm for my soul, nearly mad with despair.
And now, with everything having passed and looking back, I get the impression of having been made to swallow a terrible pill.
Everything has passed, Mother, but everything begins. In your telephone call, after your words of encouragement, for which I am grateful with all my life, you posed me a very direct question: What will you do with the life that has been forced into your womb? I heard your voice tremble as you asked me the question, a question I felt needed no immediate response; not because I had not yet considered the road I would have to follow, but so as not to disturb the plans you would eventually have to unveil before me. I had already decided. I will be a mother. The child will be mine and no one else’s. I know that I could entrust him to other people, but he-though I neither asked for him nor expected him-he has a right to my love as his mother. A plant should never be torn from its roots. The grain of wheat fallen in the furrow has to grow there, where the mysterious, though iniquitous sower threw it.
I will fulfill my religious vocation in another way. I will ask nothing of my congregation, which has already given me everything. I am very grateful for the fraternal solidarity of the Sisters, who in these times have treated me with the utmost delicacy and kindness, especially for never having asked any uncareful questions.
I will go with my child. I do not know where, but God, who broke all of a sudden my greatest joy, will indicate the path I must tread in order to do His will.
I will be poor again, I will return to the old aprons and the wooden shoes that the women in the country use for working, and I will accompany my mother into the forest to collect the resin from the slits in the trees.
Someone has to begin to break the chain of hatred that has always destroyed our countries. And so, I will teach my child only one thing: love. This child, born of violence, will be a witness along with me that the only greatness that gives honor to a human being is forgiveness.

Through the Kingdom of Christ for the Glory of God.”

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Ify
Ify
2 months ago

I am touched beyond words. God knows best

Karen Stratoti
Karen Stratoti
2 months ago

God will bless your decision to forgive and raise your son to be full of love. Sister, you are precious in the eyes of Jesus. May He heal your heart and soul. And may you feel surrounded in God’s love and peace.

Mari
Mari
2 months ago

I am touched by the sisters story snd heart broken for the injustice committed against her. She is full of grace despite the violence she received her heart is full of love and mercy. God is pleased and I’m certain He will make things right only He knows what’s best only He sees the future and only He can make things straight again . I’m certain He will see her through her faith has saved her and will sustain her to fulfill Gods purpose for her and her child . I will pray for her and her people my heart… Read more »

Lily
Lily
Reply to  Mari
2 months ago

Well said Mari, Our Lord God will guide her and her son. God bless you sister. For being strong person you are. Blessed your heart. God bless you and your son. Take care and bless your undertaking.😘🙏❤️🙏😘

Nneka
Nneka
2 months ago

The love of Jesus is the greatest healing to a battered soul. Its already there with sister and surely ll see her through in her journey of changing her world in Jesus Name Amen.

Vitalis
Vitalis
2 months ago

The pain has past ln Jesus name dear Sr take psalm 27:vrs3

EMELINDA IGNACIO
EMELINDA IGNACIO
2 months ago

GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

Patricia
Patricia
2 months ago

God is your strength, Sister. Only Him will see you through this ordeal. I thank God for the love of Christ that continues to flow within you and this love will guide and protect this child you ate carry. Remain blessed.

Deborah
Deborah
2 months ago

Glory be to God who has granted you the grace to look beyond what happened to you.may God continue to bless you and you more grace in Jesus name.Amen.

Deborah
Deborah
2 months ago

Glory be to God who has given you the grace to look beyond what happened to you.May God to bless you and give you more grace in jesus name.amen

Maria Virginia Arellano Cardenas
Maria Virginia Arellano Cardenas
2 months ago

Rape is the most hideous assault against a woman. Our Sister’s story give us a lesson of what it is to be dishonored and to forgive the perpetrators. In my family my dad and my uncle were perpetrators and to my surprise I was sent by God to care for my 92 year-old dad who abused my firstborn. She hates me even though I forced my dad to repent and confess his trespasses, I desired to kill him, but I asked God to help not to do it for I am not God who can punish those who rape, inappropriately… Read more »

Maria Virginia Arellano Cardenas
Maria Virginia Arellano Cardenas
2 months ago

Listen this is not an isolated trespass; millions of sins are perpetrated by our own relatives. To moderate thevtryth does not help. Relative perpetrators must repent and ask for forgiveness. God didn’t chose our sister or me out of no where, he chose us to teach all of us that he meant for us to forgive each other not just the small sins but the most hideous ones. Amen!

Mary Fischer
Mary Fischer
2 months ago

None of us know why certain “things” happen to us … talk to JC often and give the little son up in to the arms of Jesus … perhaps Jesus has a project ready for your son.. JC is pure LOVE.

mariter
mariter
2 months ago

God is love and he knows the reason ,take heart sister , he knows all about your future and your son ,he knows you by name

Gabriel
2 months ago

May God Almighty bless and keep you , and protect you sister throughout this trials period in Jesus Name Amen

Francis Shimbala
Francis Shimbala
Reply to  Gabriel
2 months ago

God has given you a great Callenge. I am interested to know the progress of the new life from your son. Conglatulations for accepting and sharing creation with God himself. That is a great love you have shown. I may call it a GREATEST SACRIFICE of yourself to God. I resemble the this sacrife to that of Ibrahim from his only son Isaac. I can hear the Lords voice telling you, raise your son, for i have chosen him for a special mission. He might be a pope/ Doctor of the church/ there to bring Lords good news to the… Read more »

Nkechi
2 months ago

Oh dear Sister, I’m so touched by your story and the kind of fortitude gave u to bear it all in love and obedience to His holy will. I believe God is strongly behind you, He will lead you in the path that He has chosen for you now and still fulfill His divine plans in your life through Christ our Lord, Amen! Grace of God upon your life now and always Amen!

Conciliah
Conciliah
2 months ago

I am so touched by this story. The Lord is with you and I believe he has good plans for you and your son, so that you continue to serve him and fulfil your wish to be the servant of the Lord

Thecla Bissoon
Thecla Bissoon
Reply to  Conciliah
21 days ago

May God bless you Sister. He will see you thru.

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