How to Confess Your Sexual Related Sins to a Priest Without Being Shy During Confession?

Brief Overview

• The sacrament of confession offers forgiveness and grace for all sins, including sexual sins, and priests are trained and obligated to receive confessions with compassion without judgment.
• Shame and embarrassment about confessing sexual sins are common human experiences, but these feelings should not prevent you from receiving the healing and reconciliation that the sacrament provides.
• Preparing for confession by examining your conscience, writing things down if needed, and understanding that priests hear confessions of sexual sins regularly helps reduce anxiety and allows you to speak more clearly.
• The priest’s role is to listen, offer guidance, and provide absolution, not to judge you or shame you, and priests are bound by the seal of confession and must keep everything you say completely confidential.
• Many practical strategies exist to help you overcome shyness, including speaking more slowly, remembering that the priest has heard similar confessions before, and focusing on your desire for healing and reconciliation.
• Beginning your confession by specifically mentioning that you find it difficult to discuss these matters gives the priest important context and often makes the conversation easier for both of you.

Understanding the Purpose of Confession

The Catholic Church teaches that the sacrament of reconciliation, commonly called confession, offers forgiveness for sins committed after baptism and restores peace between the person and God. Jesus Christ established this sacrament and gave the apostles the authority to forgive sins in His name, as recorded in John 20:22-23 when Jesus breathed on the apostles and told them that those whose sins they forgive are forgiven. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that confession is a means of spiritual healing and reconciliation with God and with the Church (CCC 1440, 1441, 1442). Through confession, a person acknowledges their sins, expresses sorrow, and receives absolution, which restores them to a state of grace and reconciliation. Sexual sins are no exception to this offer of forgiveness, and the Church explicitly teaches that all sins, including those of a sexual nature, can be confessed and forgiven through this sacrament. The purpose of confession is not to shame or humiliate you but rather to bring you peace, healing, and restoration to your relationship with God.

Many people feel that sexual sins are somehow different from other sins or that God’s mercy does not extend fully to sexual wrongdoings, but this belief contradicts Catholic teaching. The apostle Paul reminds believers in 1 Corinthians 6:11 that some of the believers had engaged in sexual immorality, idolatry, and other serious sins, yet they were washed clean, made holy, and justified in the name of Jesus and by the Holy Spirit. This passage demonstrates that sexual sins are serious but not beyond God’s capacity or willingness to forgive. The Catechism affirms that God’s mercy is infinite and that no sin is too great for God to forgive (CCC 982). Your sexual sins do not disqualify you from God’s love or forgiveness, and confessing them allows you to experience the peace and freedom that comes from being reconciled to God. Understanding this foundational truth helps reduce the shame and fear that might otherwise prevent you from approaching confession.

The Priest’s Role and Perspective

Priests receive training specifically in hearing confessions and in pastoral sensitivity to the particular struggles that people bring to the confessional. A priest understands that sexual temptation and sexual sin are widespread challenges that affect many people, and he does not approach confessions with naïveté or shock. Most priests have heard confessions of sexual sins countless times throughout their ministry, and they recognize that such confessions are a normal part of their work as priests. The priest’s role in confession is not to judge you or to express disapproval but rather to listen with compassion, to help you understand your sins and your path toward change, and to pronounce God’s forgiveness in absolution. The Catechism teaches that the confessor is bound by the seal of confession, meaning that everything you say in confession must be kept in absolute secrecy and can never be revealed to anyone under any circumstances (CCC 1467). This seal is so important that a priest cannot break it even if his own life depends on it, which means you can speak with complete confidence that what you say will remain confidential.

Understanding what the priest will and will not do helps reduce anxiety about confession. The priest will not lecture you extensively or shame you for your sins. The priest will not tell others what you have confessed. The priest will not require you to do unreasonable penance. The priest will not refuse you absolution if you are genuinely sorry for your sins. Instead, the priest will listen respectfully, may ask clarifying questions to help you be more thorough in your confession, will help you understand the gravity of what you have confessed, and will offer guidance about how to avoid similar sins in the future. Many priests have had their own struggles with temptation and sin, which helps them approach others with genuine compassion and understanding. Remembering that the priest is a human being who understands human weakness and who is committed to serving others through the sacraments helps make confession feel less like approaching a judge and more like approaching someone who genuinely wants to help you find peace and healing.

Preparing Yourself Mentally and Spiritually

Preparing for confession reduces anxiety and helps you speak more clearly and completely about your sins. Begin by taking time to examine your conscience carefully, thinking through the sexual sins you have committed since your last confession. You might think about occasions when you viewed pornography, engaged in sexual activity outside marriage, acted on sexual temptation in thought or deed, or treated another person disrespectfully in a sexual context. The goal of examining your conscience is not to make yourself feel worse but to be honest about what you have done so that you can confess completely and receive full absolution. You do not need to remember every single instance if you have repeatedly committed the same sin, as you can simply state that you committed a particular sin multiple times without itemizing each occasion. Some people find it helpful to write down their sins before going to confession, which allows them to be organized and thorough without worrying that they will forget what they wanted to say or become tongue-tied while in the confessional.

Praying before confession helps prepare your heart and mind for the sacrament. You might pray for the courage to speak honestly, for the grace to feel genuine sorrow for your sins, and for the openness to receive God’s forgiveness and peace. Many people find that praying the Act of Contrition before confession helps them focus on their sincere desire to turn away from sin and seek reconciliation. Taking time to reflect on how your sexual sins have affected your relationship with God, with yourself, and with others can deepen your genuine sorrow for what you have done. This sorrow, called contrition, is essential for confession to be valid and effective, and genuine contrition comes from truly understanding that your actions were wrong and genuinely wanting to change. If you struggle to feel genuine sorrow, you can still confess and ask God for the grace to develop deeper sorrow and commitment to change, knowing that God honors your honest effort to seek reconciliation even when your feelings seem incomplete.

Practical Strategies for Speaking About Sexual Sins

When you begin your confession, you can start by telling the priest that you find it difficult to discuss sexual matters and that you appreciate his patience and understanding. Many priests will respond to this honesty by helping to make you more comfortable and by asking clarifying questions rather than requiring you to say everything in your own words. Speaking slowly and deliberately helps you gather your thoughts and reduces the rush that anxiety can create. You do not need to speak quickly or quietly; the priest will be able to hear you and understand you if you speak at a normal pace. Some people find that describing their sexual sins in straightforward, clinical language rather than crude or poetic language helps them feel less embarrassed, as using precise language creates a sense of honesty and seriousness about what you are confessing.

It can help to remember that the priest has heard confessions of masturbation, sexual fantasies, viewing pornography, premarital sexual activity, and other sexual sins many times before. Your confession is not shocking to him or unusual in any way, and there is no need to feel that you are burdening him with something unprecedented or particularly disturbing. Different people struggle with different temptations, and sexual temptation is so common that it affects the vast majority of people at some point in their lives. The priest understands that sexual temptation is powerful and that resisting it is difficult, which helps him approach your confession with compassion rather than judgment. If you find yourself becoming emotional or feeling overwhelmed while confessing, it is completely acceptable to pause, take a breath, and continue when you are ready. The priest will wait patiently for you, and there is no time limit on confession.

Using Practical Techniques to Reduce Anxiety

Deep breathing before and during confession helps calm your nervous system and reduces the physical symptoms of anxiety. Taking slow, deep breaths tells your body that you are safe, which can help reduce the racing thoughts and physical tension that anxiety produces. Some people find it helpful to focus on the fact that the confessional is a safe space where you cannot be harmed, where judgment does not exist, and where only compassion and forgiveness await you. Reminding yourself that countless other people have confessed sexual sins and that you are not the first or the only person to struggle with these issues helps reduce the sense that you are uniquely shameful or abnormal. Reframing confession from something fearful to something healing and liberating can shift your emotional response and make the experience feel more positive.

If you have had a previous confession where you felt rushed or judged, you might consider choosing a different priest for this confession. Many parishes have multiple priests, and you can schedule a confession with a priest who may feel more approachable to you. If you feel more comfortable confessing to a priest outside your own parish, this is always an option, and many Catholic churches offer regular confession times that allow you to visit at a time that works for you. Some people find that making an appointment for face-to-face confession rather than confessing anonymously behind a screen helps them feel more comfortable, as the personal connection can feel less formal and more compassionate. Others find that the screen provides a helpful barrier that reduces embarrassment. Try different approaches and choose what works best for you, as the goal is to remove obstacles that prevent you from receiving the sacrament.

Understanding the Seal of Confession and Confidentiality

The seal of confession is so absolute that canon law and civil law in many jurisdictions protect it. Priests cannot reveal what you have confessed, cannot use information from your confession against you, and cannot even acknowledge that you confessed to them. This protection means that what you say in confession is completely separate from every other area of your life and from all other relationships. You can speak with complete freedom knowing that your words will never be repeated, used against you, or held against you by anyone. This confidentiality is one of the greatest gifts that the sacrament of confession offers, as it creates a safe space where you can be completely honest without fear of social, professional, or personal consequences. Even if the priest knows you outside the confessional, he cannot let on that he knows what you have confessed or treat you any differently based on what you have told him in confession.

Understanding the absolute nature of this confidentiality helps many people feel secure enough to confess honestly. Your sexual sins will not become parish gossip. Your priest will not think less of you as a person based on your confession. Your confession will not be held over your head. Your confession will not be used as leverage in any dispute or conflict. The priest has promised before God to keep your confession secret, and this promise is sacred to him. If you have had experiences in the past where your private matters became public or where you were judged harshly for your struggles, confession offers a radically different experience where you can share your deepest struggles knowing that they will be received with compassion and held in sacred confidence. This safety and confidentiality are exactly what many people need in order to be honest about their sexual sins and to receive the healing and forgiveness that the sacrament provides.

After Confession: Healing and Moving Forward

After receiving absolution, your sins are forgiven and your relationship with God is restored. The Catechism teaches that absolution restores you to a state of grace and reconciliation (CCC 1468). This does not mean that all consequences of your sins are immediately erased or that all temptation disappears, but it does mean that you are no longer separated from God by your sin and that you have access to God’s grace to help you live differently in the future. The penance that the priest gives you is not a punishment but rather a spiritual practice that helps heal the wounds caused by sin and strengthens you against future temptation. Many people experience a sense of peace and lightness after receiving absolution, as the burden of guilt and shame is lifted from them. Some people cry with relief or joy as they realize that they have been forgiven and that their relationship with God has been restored.

Moving forward after confession involves commitment to avoiding the sins you have confessed and to living more virtuously. This does not mean that temptation will disappear or that you will never struggle again, but rather that you have renewed your commitment to resist temptation and to seek God’s grace through prayer and the sacraments. The Catechism teaches that the grace received in confession helps the penitent avoid future sins (CCC 1470). If you find that you continue to struggle with the same sexual sins despite confessing them multiple times, this might indicate that you need additional support beyond confession, such as therapy, support groups, accountability partners, or more intensive spiritual direction. Seeking this additional help is not a sign of failure but rather a sign of wisdom and commitment to genuine change. Many people find that combining the sacraments with practical support helps them develop healthier patterns and gradually overcome habitual sin.

Addressing Repeated Confessions of the Same Sin

If you find yourself confessing the same sexual sin repeatedly, this can feel discouraging and shameful. However, the Church teaches that repeated confession of the same sin does not prevent absolution if you are genuinely sorry and genuinely trying to change. The Catechism affirms that even if you struggle and fall back into sin, returning to confession with sincere contrition brings forgiveness and grace (CCC 1468, 1469). God’s patience with us is infinite, and God does not stop forgiving us simply because we struggle with the same temptation multiple times. What matters is that you genuinely want to change and that you keep returning to seek God’s forgiveness and grace rather than giving up. Many saints struggled with habitual sin and temptation throughout their lives, and their perseverance in confession and prayer eventually led to deeper freedom and change.

If you are genuinely concerned that you might not be approaching confession with sincere contrition because you keep committing the same sin, you can discuss this with your spiritual director or confessor. They can help you understand whether your struggle represents genuine temptation and weakness or whether it might indicate that you need different strategies, additional support, or deeper understanding of what is driving the behavior. Sometimes people discover that sexual sin is connected to other issues such as loneliness, anxiety, trauma, low self-worth, or other emotional or spiritual wounds that benefit from professional help or targeted spiritual direction. Addressing these underlying issues, in addition to confessing the sins, can lead to more lasting change and genuine healing. The goal is not to achieve perfection but rather to grow gradually in virtue and freedom, and this growth often happens through the patient, repeated process of confession, absolution, and renewed commitment to change.

Special Considerations for Different Situations

If you are confessing sexual sins with a particular person, you may worry about what to reveal and how much detail to include. In general, you should be honest about the nature of the sin, including whether it involved another person and the basic nature of what occurred. You do not need to provide graphic details or specific names of the other person involved, but you should be clear enough that the priest understands what type of sin you are confessing. If you are confessing sexual sin that occurred with a minor or that involved coercion or harm to another person, this is particularly important to confess clearly because the priest may have pastoral or legal responsibilities to address the situation. If you are confessing infidelity or sexual betrayal of a spouse or partner, it is helpful to confess this clearly so that the priest can help you understand the gravity of what you have done and can help you think through how to address it in your relationship.

If you are confessing sexual sin that is ongoing in a current relationship, the priest may ask whether you are attempting to address the situation or change your behavior. This is not to shame you but to help you think realistically about your contrition and your commitment to change. If you are in a relationship with someone you are not married to and you are having sexual relations, the priest will recognize this as serious sin and will likely encourage you to change the nature of your relationship or to commit to abstinence. If you are experiencing same-sex attraction or engaging in same-sex sexual activity, you should confess this honestly without fear. The Church’s teaching on sexual ethics applies to all people, and priests are trained to receive confessions related to same-sex activity with the same compassion and without judgment that they offer for any other sexual sin. Your sexual orientation is not a sin, but sexual activity outside of marriage is understood by the Church as contrary to God’s design regardless of the genders involved.

Healing From Shame and Self-Judgment

Many people carry deep shame about their sexual sins, sometimes stemming from how they were taught about sexuality in childhood or from judgmental responses from others about their sexuality. This shame can be so powerful that it prevents people from confessing or from fully receiving God’s forgiveness because they judge themselves so harshly. The Church teaches that God’s mercy exceeds our judgment of ourselves and that we should not refuse God’s forgiveness even if we struggle to forgive ourselves (CCC 2100). Part of the healing that comes through confession involves learning to release the shame and self-judgment and to accept that you have been forgiven. This is often a process that requires time, prayer, and sometimes professional counseling, but it is a real and important part of healing from sexual sin.

Learning to distinguish between healthy guilt, which leads to repentance and change, and unhealthy shame, which simply makes you feel bad about who you are, helps you process your sins more healthily. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am fundamentally bad and unworthy.” The goal of confession is to address the guilt by receiving forgiveness and making amends where possible, and to address the shame by accepting that you are beloved by God despite your sins. After confession, you can work on releasing the shame and building healthier self-understanding based on your identity as a beloved child of God rather than on your failures and sins. Many people find that regular confession, combined with ongoing prayer and spiritual direction, gradually helps them internalize the experience of being forgiven and to develop a more compassionate and realistic view of themselves.

Moving Toward Freedom and Peace

Confessing your sexual sins is not the end of your spiritual journey but rather an important waypoint on your path toward greater freedom, healing, and peace. The Catechism teaches that the sacrament of reconciliation is a way of experiencing God’s mercy and of being gradually transformed into greater holiness (CCC 1440, 1441). Each time you confess, you receive grace that helps you resist temptation, heal from the damage caused by sin, and grow in virtue. Over time, this repeated experience of confession and absolution, combined with prayer, spiritual direction, and practical efforts to change, gradually transforms your relationship with your own sexuality and with God. The peace and freedom that come from living honestly and from maintaining a clear conscience are among the greatest gifts of the spiritual life.

Taking the step to confess sexual sins that you have been avoiding or hiding requires courage, but the peace and healing that follows makes that courage worthwhile. Many people report that once they confess something they have been hiding, they feel a profound sense of relief and freedom, as though a weight has been lifted from them. This relief comes from no longer carrying the burden of secrecy and shame alone and from knowing that they have been forgiven and reconciled with God. The confessional is a place of profound healing and transformation, and your sexual sins, however shameful they feel to you, are precisely the kinds of sins that God’s mercy most desires to address and heal. Step forward with courage, speak honestly, receive absolution, and allow yourself to experience the peace and freedom that God offers through this sacred sacrament.