How Can I Talk to My Child Who Refuses to Go to Catechism Classes?

Brief Overview

• Catechism classes form a core part of Catholic formation for children, helping them understand their faith and grow in their relationship with God and the Church.
• When a child refuses to attend, parents face a real challenge that requires both patience and wisdom to work through the situation.
• The reasons behind a child’s resistance can vary widely, from social anxiety to feeling disconnected from the material to simple preference for other activities.
• Approaching the conversation with genuine listening and respect for your child’s feelings creates space for real talk instead of conflict and stress.
• Understanding the root cause of the resistance helps parents respond in ways that are both firm about faith and compassionate about real struggles.
• Catholic teaching emphasizes that parents play the primary role in their child’s religious education, so these conversations hold great importance for the family.

Starting with Listening

Your first step should be to listen carefully to what your child actually thinks and feels about catechism classes. Many parents jump straight to explaining why catechism matters or why the child must attend, but this often shuts down real conversation. When you sit down with your child, pick a calm time when neither of you feels rushed or upset. Ask open questions like what bothers them about the class or what they wish were different. Let your child talk without interrupting, even if what they say frustrates you or seems small. Children often feel unheard, and sometimes just being heard helps them feel more willing to work with you. Pay attention to their body language and tone, not just their words. Your child might struggle with shyness, friendship issues, boredom, or feeling like the material does not connect to their life. Some kids worry about looking stupid if they do not know answers or feel embarrassed in front of older children. Listen to find out which of these might be true for your child before you plan your next move.

Understanding the Real Reasons

After listening, you need to dig deeper to understand what truly drives your child’s refusal. Sometimes what kids say on the surface hides a bigger worry underneath. A child might say catechism is boring, but really they feel anxious about sitting still or worry about not having friends in the class. Some children struggle with the pace of learning or the teaching style used by the catechist. Other kids feel pressured by parents or compare themselves unfavorably to other children who seem to know more. Some refuse to go because they have had a bad experience, like an unkind comment from a catechist or another child. Children in middle school or high school may feel like catechism conflicts with their social life or makes them feel uncool. Younger children sometimes object because they want to stay home with a parent or sibling instead. Still others have genuine learning needs that the class does not address, such as difficulty focusing or a need for one-on-one help. Take time to ask follow-up questions gently and watch for patterns in what your child says. Your goal is to see things from your child’s viewpoint, not to judge whether their reasons seem good to you.

The Role of Parental Authority

Catholic teaching makes clear that parents hold real authority in raising their children in the faith. The Church teaches that parents are the first teachers of their children in matters of religion and morals. This means that as a parent, you do have the right and duty to require your child to attend catechism classes and to practice the basics of the faith. However, this authority works best when paired with love and respect for your child as a person. Using authority alone, without understanding why your child resists, often creates resentment and pushes children away from faith rather than toward it. Your child needs to know that attending catechism is not a choice they can simply refuse, just as schooling or basic health care are not choices. At the same time, your authority should feel firm but fair, not harsh or dismissive of real struggles. When children experience their parents as both loving and clear about what matters, they develop respect and are more likely to cooperate. Setting boundaries while also listening shows your child that you care about both their wellbeing and their spiritual growth. This balance between authority and compassion reflects how God relates to us as our loving Father.

Talking About Why Faith Matters

Once you understand your child’s concerns, you can have a real talk about why faith and catechism matter in your family. Many children have never heard a genuine explanation of why their parents take faith seriously. Tell your child what faith means to you in simple, honest words. Explain how your relationship with God shapes the way you live and make choices. Share stories of times when your faith helped you through hard times or guided you to do the right thing. Talk about how catechism helps children learn about God, about Jesus, and about how to live as Catholics in the world. Help your child see that catechism is not just about memorizing facts but about understanding what they believe and why it matters. Explain that just as children learn math and reading in school to prepare for life, they learn about faith to prepare for living as Catholics. Share your hopes that your child will grow up with a strong foundation in their faith so they can make good choices and find meaning. Tell your child that some things in life we do because they are important, even if they do not feel fun at first. Use examples your child can relate to, like how athletes practice even when practice feels hard, or how musicians keep playing even when a song is difficult. Make sure your child knows that you are not talking to them as if they are small, but as someone whose thoughts and growth matter to you.

Addressing Specific Obstacles

Different obstacles call for different solutions, so once you know what bothers your child, you can problem-solve together. If your child feels anxious or shy in the classroom, talk with the catechist about ways to help them feel more comfortable. Some children benefit from arriving a few minutes early to settle in before others come. Others might do better sitting near the catechist or next to a friend. If friendship is the issue, help your child connect with one other child before class or suggest they sit together during the lesson. If your child feels bored or unchallenged, ask the catechist if there are ways to make the material more interesting or if different resources might help. Some catechists welcome parent input about how to reach a particular child. If the problem is the time or day of class, explore whether another time slot exists or if there are alternative programs your parish offers. If your child has learning challenges, talk with the catechist and your child’s teacher to find strategies that work. Sometimes a child needs permission to take breaks or use different materials that still teach the same content. If your child struggles with physical needs like hunger or tiredness at the time of class, fix those practical problems first. A child cannot focus on learning when they are tired or hungry. If the catechist has said something unkind to your child, address this with the catechist privately and discuss how to move forward. Sometimes switching to a different catechist or class group solves the problem. Working together with your child to find solutions shows them that their concerns matter and that you are on their side.

Setting Clear Expectations

After listening and understanding, you need to set clear expectations about what will happen. Tell your child directly that they will be attending catechism classes because it is part of being part of your family and the Church. Explain that this is not something they get to vote on or choose to skip. Use calm, firm language that does not leave room for doubt about your expectations. However, make room for your child to have some control over other parts of the experience. For example, maybe they choose which friend to invite to sit with them, or they decide what snack to bring, or they choose which topic to ask about. Giving children some choices within a firm boundary helps them feel less like they have no say. Explain what will happen if they refuse to go, and follow through on consequences if needed. These might include losing screen time, missing a favorite activity, or other natural consequences that matter to your child. Be consistent so your child learns that you mean what you say. Make sure your child understands that you are not punishing them out of anger but because this matters to your family and their growth. Tell your child that your love for them does not depend on whether they go to catechism, but that you will not let them opt out of something important. This combination of firmness and love teaches children that we must sometimes do hard things because they matter, not because we feel like doing them.

Working with the Catechist

Your child’s catechist can be a real partner in helping your child engage with catechism classes. Reach out to the catechist and explain what is happening without blaming them or their teaching. Share what you have learned about why your child resists so the catechist understands the situation. Ask if they have noticed anything about your child in class or if they have ideas about how to help. Good catechists genuinely care about the children they teach and want to help them succeed. They may have suggestions based on their experience with other children or resources that could help. Some catechists are happy to spend a moment greeting your child when they arrive or checking in with them during class to make them feel noticed. A child who feels seen and valued by their teacher is more likely to engage. Ask the catechist if there are ways for your child to feel more involved, such as helping with a project or sharing something they know. Everyone likes to feel competent and useful. If the catechist is open to it, you might attend class yourself occasionally to see what happens and to show your child that you think this is important. Some parents stay for the first few classes to help their child feel secure. You could also ask if your child can bring a comfort item or sit in a particular spot that helps them feel calmer. Working with the catechist shows your child that school, church, and home are all connected and that the important adults in their life talk to each other.

Dealing with Resistance in the Moment

Even after you have talked things through, you may still face resistance when it is time to go to catechism. A child might complain, drag their feet, refuse to get ready, or have an outburst. Stay calm and do not let your child’s upset feelings pull you off course. If you have set a clear boundary that they will attend, stick to it kindly but firmly. You can acknowledge their feelings without changing your decision. Say things like I see that you are upset, and it is okay to feel disappointed, but we are still going. Do not argue or try to convince them in the moment because that often makes things worse. Instead, focus on the practical steps. Get them ready for class and transport them there as matter of factly as you can. If they cry or complain on the way, listen but do not give in. Bring something calming for the car ride if that helps, like soft music or a comfort item. When you arrive at the class, stay cheerful and encouraging as you walk them to the door. Tell the catechist what is happening so they can help your child settle. Then leave without a long goodbye, which can make separation harder. Pick them up after class with genuine interest in what happened. Ask open questions about the lesson or what they learned. Even if they say it was boring, ask one more question about the content. Over time, as they see that you will not let them escape this responsibility and that class is not actually so bad, their resistance often decreases.

Building a Positive Home Faith Life

Catechism classes work better when your home also nurtures faith in regular, natural ways. Children learn more from what they see their parents do than from what parents say. If they see you praying before meals and at bedtime, reading the Bible, going to Mass, and talking about your faith, they absorb the message that faith is central to life. Create family prayer times that feel warm and connected, not forced or stiff. You might pray together at breakfast, say grace before meals, or have a brief moment before bed. Teach your child simple prayers like the Our Father and Hail Mary, but also encourage them to talk to God in their own words about their real lives. Read Bible stories together and talk about what they mean. Ask your child questions about what they think a story teaches. Go to Mass as a family and help your child follow along. Explain what is happening during the Mass in age appropriate ways. Some children understand better if they have a missal or activity book to follow. Celebrate the Church seasons and saints’ days with your family. Talk about what Christmas and Easter mean beyond the gifts or candy. Learn about saints and talk about their lives and what they teach us. When your child sees faith as a normal part of family life, not just something that happens in one class at church, they begin to see its real value. They also feel less like faith is something imposed on them from outside and more like something their family shares together.

Addressing Peer Pressure and Social Concerns

For older children and teens, peer pressure and social concerns often drive their refusal to attend catechism. Teenagers worry about fitting in and may feel self conscious about religious activities or worry that friends will tease them. Help your child think through these concerns honestly. Ask them who they think will know they go to catechism and what they imagine those people will think or say. Often children worry about things that do not actually happen or exaggerate how much their friends care. Help them see that many of their peers also attend catechism or church activities, even if nobody talks about it. Explain that as they get older, they will find friends who share their values and that trying to hide their faith often makes them feel split apart inside. Talk about how Jesus asked his followers to be proud of him and their faith, not ashamed. Share stories of young people who lived their faith openly and found real friendship with others who valued the same things. Help your child find other Catholic young people through youth groups, school activities, or parish events. Sometimes having even one peer who shares their faith makes a huge difference. You might also talk honestly about how trends and social pressure change constantly, but faith is something solid they can build their lives on. Acknowledge that it is hard to be different from friends, but that standing firm on what matters leads to a stronger sense of self. Help your child see that the temporary discomfort of being the only one in their friend group going to catechism is worth the long term benefit of a strong faith foundation.

Handling Doubt and Questions

Some children refuse catechism because they have genuine doubts or questions about what the Church teaches. Rather than seeing this as a threat, see it as an opportunity to help them work through their faith. Invite your child to share their doubts or questions without fear of punishment or judgment. Listen to what they really wonder about. Maybe they question whether God exists, or why God allows suffering, or why the Church has rules that seem old fashioned. These are real and important questions. Tell your child that doubt is not the same as lack of faith and that even strong believers ask hard questions. Share your own journey with faith, including times you have struggled or wondered about things. Admit the questions you do not have answers to and say that is okay. Some things about faith are mysteries that we do not fully understand. Other things we understand better as we grow older and have more life experience. Encourage your child to keep asking questions in catechism class and at home. A good catechist or priest welcomes questions from children. If your child has a question the catechist cannot answer right away, offer to help them research it together or ask the priest. Visit the parish priest together if your child has big questions or doubts they want to explore. Priests are trained to help people work through questions about faith. Show your child that the Church values seeking truth and that asking questions is part of growing in faith, not a sign of failing faith. When children feel safe asking questions at home, they are more likely to stick with catechism class and to develop a thinking faith that lasts into adulthood.

Understanding Different Learning Styles

Children learn in different ways, and a catechism class that works well for one child might not work for another. Some children learn best by listening to explanations. Others need to move around, see pictures, do activities, or talk about what they are learning. If your child learns differently from how the catechism class teaches, work with the catechist to find solutions. Many catechists are happy to use different materials or methods if they know a child needs them. Some children benefit from visual aids like pictures, videos, or drawings. Others learn better through games, role plays, or hands on activities. Some kids need to talk about what they are learning or teach it to someone else to really understand it. Others need quiet time to think through ideas. Talk with your child about how they like to learn. Then share that information with the catechist. You might also supplement catechism class at home by going over the material in the way your child learns best. If the class covers a Bible story, you could watch a video together, act it out, draw pictures, or talk about what it means. This helps your child retain what they learn and shows them that you care about their learning style. Some parishes offer different catechism programs or times that use different approaches, so ask about options. If your parish offers one on one tutoring or small group learning, that might work better for your child than a large class. Finding the right fit helps your child engage rather than shut down.

Connecting Catechism to Real Life

Many children do not see how what they learn in catechism connects to their actual lives. Help your child make these connections by talking about how faith applies to real situations they face. If your child learns about loving your neighbor in catechism, talk about how this means treating classmates kindly or standing up for someone who is being left out. If they learn about honesty, talk about times when telling the truth is hard and what the right choice looks like. If they learn about forgiveness, talk about a time you had to forgive someone or someone forgave you. When children see that faith is not just ideas to memorize but wisdom that helps us live better, they care more about learning it. Encourage your child to notice during catechism when something the catechist says connects to their life. After class, ask if anything the catechist taught relates to something your child is dealing with. Pray together about real challenges your child faces, and talk about how faith guides us through those challenges. Help your child see that the sacraments, especially the Eucharist and Confession, are gifts that draw us closer to God and help us live better. As your child gets older, talk about how faith shapes the big choices we make about friends, school, work, and how to spend our time. When your child understands that catechism teaches them how to live a fuller, happier life rooted in faith, rather than just following rules, they become more willing to attend and engage.

The Importance of Consistency and Patience

Do not expect your child’s attitude to change overnight. Building a real relationship with faith takes time, just like building a skill or a friendship takes time. Some weeks your child might go willingly and seem interested. Other weeks they might complain again or resist. Stay consistent in your expectations even when their attitude varies. This teaches your child that faith is not optional when they feel like it but a core part of their life. Consistency helps children feel safe and secure, even when they push back. They know where the boundary is and that you will not let them manipulate or talk you out of it. Your consistency shows them that you love them enough to do what is hard sometimes. Be patient with your child as they work through their feelings and resistance. Some children warm up to catechism slowly. Others have deeper issues that take longer to resolve. Keep showing up, keep listening, keep loving them, and keep holding the boundary. Do not give up on your child or on the goal of helping them grow in faith. Parents often see big changes happen when they keep at it over months or years, not just weeks. A child who is resistant at nine might be enthusiastic at eleven, or open to faith at sixteen even if they fought it at thirteen. You do not know where your child’s journey with faith will lead, but you are planting seeds that will grow in God’s time.

Praying for Your Child

As a parent working with a child who refuses catechism, you need support beyond what you can do on your own. Bring your struggles to God in prayer. Pray for your child, asking God to open their heart to faith and help them see its value. Pray that God will help you stay calm and patient when your child resists. Pray for the catechist and ask God to help them reach your child. Pray that you will have wisdom to know what to do and say in each situation. Many parents find that prayer changes their own heart and perspective. It reminds you that you are not alone in raising your child and that God cares about your child even more than you do. Prayer helps you release some of the worry and control and trust that God is working in your child’s life even when you do not see it. Consider inviting your child to pray with you about their struggles with catechism. This models that we bring our real concerns to God, not just happy thoughts. Your child might not want to pray at first, but over time some children open up in prayer. You might also ask other family members or friends to pray for your child and your situation. Let your child know that people who love them are praying for them. This helps them feel supported and loved by the wider community. Many saints had struggles with faith as children but came to strong faith as adults. Saint Augustine fought against faith for years before his conversion. Saint Thérèse of Lisieux struggled with doubt at times. Knowing that even great saints had hard times with faith can encourage both you and your child. Pray not just for your child to attend catechism, but for them to develop their own real faith, owned by them rather than forced by you.

When to Seek Professional Help

If your child’s resistance to catechism is severe or connected to other problems, you might need outside help. Some children have anxiety, depression, or learning disabilities that make attending class very difficult. A professional counselor or therapist can help your child work through these deeper issues. If your child refuses to go to school or other normal activities, not just catechism, this suggests a bigger problem that needs attention. Talk with your child’s doctor or a mental health professional about what is happening. Some children need help managing anxiety or learning to cope with social situations. Others are dealing with trauma or loss that makes them withdraw. You cannot fix these things on your own, and trying to power through without help often makes things worse. A counselor can work with your child privately and also give you strategies to use at home. Your parish might also have a family counselor or can recommend someone. If your child has learning challenges, ask about getting an evaluation through your school. An IEP or 504 plan at school can help, and similar accommodations can be made for catechism. If your family is going through a hard time, like divorce, financial stress, or the loss of a loved one, family counseling can help everyone adjust. Sometimes a child refuses catechism because something else is wrong in their life and the catechism class is just where the stress shows up. Addressing the real problem helps. Do not see seeking help as a failure. Getting professional support is a wise and loving thing to do for your child.

Reflecting on Your Own Faith

As you work to help your child develop their faith, spend time thinking about your own faith and how you live it. Children notice when parents say faith matters but do not actually live like it matters. If you talk about the importance of catechism but never attend Mass yourself or pray, your child will see the disconnect. Examine whether you are living your faith in ways that make it attractive to your child. Do you show joy in your faith, or do you seem to just follow rules out of habit? Do you live the values you are teaching your child, like kindness, forgiveness, and honesty? Do you talk about your own faith with enthusiasm, or do you mainly criticize the Church or complain about religious obligations? Your child absorbs these messages. If you want your child to take faith seriously, you need to live in a way that shows faith is genuinely important to you. This does not mean being perfect. In fact, children learn a lot from watching their parents admit mistakes, ask forgiveness, and try to do better. When parents model a living, growing faith rather than a dead set of rules, children often want what they see in their parents. Spend time in your own prayer life and spiritual growth. Go to Mass not just out of obligation but because you value time with God and your parish community. Read Scripture and faith books that help you think more deeply. Find a spiritual director or trusted friend you can talk with about your faith. As your faith grows and becomes more real to you, your child will sense that difference. You cannot give your child what you do not have yourself. So tend to your own relationship with God and your own faith development. This is one of the best gifts you can give your child.

Taking the Long View

Parenting a child who resists catechism is just one chapter in a much longer story. The goal is not just to get your child to attend classes but to help them develop their own real faith that will sustain them through their whole life. Some children come to faith early and easily. Others take longer and fight the process. Some seem to turn away from faith in their teens or young adult years only to return later. You do not know your child’s full story yet, and neither does your child. Your job is to hold the door open, keep inviting your child to grow in faith, and model what a life lived with faith looks like. This means not giving up when things get hard. It also means trusting that God is working in your child’s life in ways you might not see or understand right now. Many parents have experienced their own period of doubt or resistance to faith, and they came through it. Help your child know that struggle is part of the human experience and that faith can help us through those struggles. Focus on building a warm, loving relationship with your child where they feel safe, accepted, and valued. Children who feel truly loved by their parents are more open to the faith their parents hold dear. Mistakes you make along the way do not ruin everything. Your child will forgive mistakes if they know you are trying your best and that you love them. Keep talking, keep listening, keep praying, and keep moving forward. The seeds you plant in your child now, even when they resist, may grow in ways and on a timeline you do not expect. Trust in God’s plan for your child and your family.