How can I help my spouse who has slowly stopped practicing the Catholic faith?

Brief Overview

• When your spouse gradually stops practicing the Catholic faith, you face a difficult situation that affects your marriage, your family, and your spiritual life together.
• Understanding why your spouse stepped back from the faith is the first step toward helping them find their way back.
• The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a partnership between two people, and faith differences can create real tension in that partnership.
• You can help your spouse by listening without judgment, sharing your own faith experience honestly, and praying for their return to the Church.
• Creating a welcoming home environment where faith is lived rather than forced can make a real difference in how your spouse sees Catholicism.
• Many couples have worked through this challenge successfully by combining patience, love, and honest communication about their beliefs and concerns.

Recognizing the Signs of Fading Faith

Your spouse may have gradually stepped back from practicing the Catholic faith over months or even years without you fully noticing at first. They might have stopped attending Sunday Mass first, followed by avoiding prayer at home and losing interest in religious holidays and celebrations. You may notice they no longer want to discuss faith topics or seem uncomfortable when you talk about your own beliefs and spiritual experiences. Some spouses avoid taking the children to religious education classes or resist planning Catholic celebrations for important family moments throughout the year. They might express doubts about specific Church teachings or mention feeling disconnected from their childhood faith experiences and what they learned growing up. Often, the person themselves may not fully understand why they have drifted away, describing only a general sense of not believing anymore or feeling that Church practices feel empty and meaningless to them. These signs do not mean your spouse has rejected you or your family as a whole. Rather, they indicate something has shifted in how your spouse relates to the faith community and its teachings about God and salvation. This shift usually happens slowly enough that both partners may not immediately recognize what is taking place in their relationship. Understanding these warning signs helps you respond with compassion rather than alarm or frustration about the situation.

Understanding the Root Causes

People stop practicing their faith for many different reasons, and your spouse’s situation likely involves more than one factor working together over time. Some spouses experience intellectual doubts about Catholic teachings, finding themselves unable to accept doctrines about God, the Church, or moral questions that matter in daily life. Others have been hurt by experiences within the Church community, such as feeling judged, excluded, or treated poorly by priests or parishioners they trusted. Trauma, whether connected to the Church directly or to life experiences in general, can shake someone’s trust in God and make faith practices feel meaningless and cold. Your spouse might struggle with guilt about past actions or current situations, causing them to avoid the sacraments and the faith community out of shame. Work schedules, moving to a new area without a welcoming parish, or having children in a different faith tradition can create practical barriers to practicing the faith regularly. Some people drift away because they feel their spiritual needs are not being met by their current parish community or by Church leadership. Family conflicts about religion, especially if your spouse grew up in a strict or negative religious environment, can cause lasting damage to their faith and trust. Mental health challenges like depression or anxiety sometimes make it hard to believe in a loving God or to find comfort in spiritual practices and rituals. Loneliness or isolation within the Church, perhaps because your spouse feels different from other parishioners or judged by them, can gradually erode their commitment to practicing the faith.

Marriage as a Covenant and Sacrament

The Catholic faith teaches that marriage is a sacred covenant between two people, blessed by God and meant to last for life, through good times and difficult times. When you married your spouse, you made promises not just to them but also before God and your faith community about how you would love and support each other. The Church recognizes marriage as a sacrament, which means it is a sign and means of God’s grace working in your life together as a married couple. This sacramental nature of marriage means that your relationship has spiritual significance beyond just the two of you as individuals or even as a family unit. The Catechism teaches that spouses are called to help each other grow in holiness and to support each other in living out their faith in practical ways. Your marriage vows included an implicit commitment to respect your spouse’s freedom and conscience, even when you disagree about religious matters or faith practices. Supporting your spouse through a faith crisis is part of the promise you made to love them through all circumstances, not just when things are easy and comfortable. The fact that your spouse’s faith is struggling does not change the fact that you are still bound together by the sacrament of marriage and God’s grace. Many couples find that working through faith differences actually deepens their marriage because it requires honest communication and real love rather than surface agreement. The Church teaches that married couples should grow together spiritually, but this growth sometimes means one partner helping the other through a season of doubt and questioning.

Listen Without Judgment or Pressure

One of the most important things you can do for your spouse is to listen carefully to what they are saying and feeling about their faith without immediately trying to fix the situation. When your spouse expresses doubts or concerns, resist the urge to argue, defend the Church, or tell them they are wrong for feeling the way they do. Listening means asking genuine questions about what caused them to step back, what they are struggling with, and what would help them feel supported by you during this time. Your spouse needs to know that you love them as a person, regardless of whether they practice the faith, and that you are not going to abandon them or judge them harshly. Many people who have left the faith say that feeling attacked or judged by their spouse made them pull away even more rather than drawing them back to the Church. If you listen patiently and show genuine interest in understanding their perspective, you create space for honest conversation rather than defensive arguments. Ask your spouse what they need from you right now, whether that is space to think things through, someone to talk to, or just your presence without any pressure. Sometimes your spouse may not want to talk about faith at all, and respecting that boundary shows them you care about their wellbeing more than you care about winning a theological debate. Listening also means paying attention to what your spouse is not saying, noticing any pain or fear underneath their words about faith and belief. Over time, as your spouse feels truly heard and accepted by you, they may become more open to discussing their faith questions and what they are experiencing spiritually.

Live Your Own Faith Authentically

While you are supporting your spouse through their faith crisis, it is also important that you continue to practice your own faith honestly and authentically without pretending or being false. Your spouse will notice if you suddenly become overly religious or change your behavior just because they have stepped back from the faith. Instead, continue attending Mass, praying, and living out your Catholic values in ways that feel natural and genuine to who you are as a person. When you live your faith with integrity and without judgment toward your spouse, you show them what a faithful Catholic life actually looks like in practice. Your spouse may become curious about why your faith still matters to you, especially if they see you handling difficulties with grace and peace that comes from your spiritual life. Avoid being preachy or constantly bringing conversations back to faith, as this often pushes people away rather than drawing them closer to God and the Church. Let your spouse see the fruits of your faith in how you treat them, how you handle challenges, and how you live out your values in your daily choices. If your spouse asks you about your beliefs or why you still practice the faith, answer honestly and openly without pretending to have all the answers or being defensive. Your faith should be something that brings peace, joy, and meaning to your life, not something that causes stress or creates conflict in your marriage. When your spouse sees that your faith makes you a better, kinder, more loving person, they may begin to reconsider their own relationship with the Church over time.

The Power of Prayer

Prayer is one of the most powerful tools available to you as you support your spouse through this difficult season of faith struggle and doubt. Praying for your spouse is not about trying to control them or force them to believe what you believe, but rather about entrusting them to God’s care and love. The Bible teaches in 1 Peter 3:1 that spouses can influence each other through their conduct and faithful prayers, even without arguing or forcing faith on one another. When you pray for your spouse, you are acknowledging that only God can truly change hearts and minds, and that your role is to support them with love. Many people find that intercessory prayer, where you pray on behalf of someone else, helps you maintain compassion and patience when the situation feels frustrating or hopeless. You might pray the rosary for your spouse’s intentions, ask your parish priest to pray for them, or simply spend time in quiet prayer asking God to guide and heal your spouse. Prayer can also help you process your own feelings about your spouse’s faith crisis, reducing your anxiety and helping you respond with wisdom rather than emotion. Consider asking trusted friends or family members to pray for your spouse as well, creating a community of prayer support that surrounds your marriage. The Catechism teaches that prayer is a vital part of married life and that couples should pray together when possible. If your spouse will not pray with you, continue to pray alone and trust that God is working in ways you cannot see, even when progress seems slow or invisible.

Creating a Faith-Filled Home Environment

The environment you create in your home can have a significant impact on how your spouse experiences faith and Catholicism, whether positively or negatively. A home filled with peace, kindness, and acceptance is more likely to draw someone back toward faith than a home filled with judgment, criticism, or religious pressure. You can display religious items like crucifixes, icons, or statues in your home in ways that feel welcoming rather than judgmental, allowing your spouse to see these symbols of faith in a calm context. Play Catholic music, read Scripture together if your spouse is willing, or simply have faith conversations at natural moments rather than forcing religious discussion into your interactions. Make sure your children are learning about the Catholic faith in age-appropriate ways, but do not make this a source of conflict between you and your spouse by choosing schools or programs without their input. If you have family prayers or faith practices that your spouse used to participate in, continue these gently without forcing your spouse to join or making their absence the focus of attention. Many families find that discussing faith naturally during normal activities, like talking about God’s creation on a walk or discussing how to handle a situation with kindness, is more effective than formal religious instruction. Your home should be a place where your spouse feels loved and accepted as they are right now, not as you wish they would be or what you think they should become. When your home feels like a safe place to ask questions and express doubts without being condemned, your spouse is more likely to remain connected to you and possibly reconsider their faith over time. A home that balances faith practice with genuine love and acceptance is far more powerful in drawing someone back to God than a home where faith is used as a weapon or a measure of someone’s worth.

Addressing Intellectual Objections Respectfully

Your spouse may have specific intellectual objections to Catholic teachings, and responding to these with respect and honesty is important for maintaining your relationship and keeping dialogue open. If your spouse raises questions about Church teachings on topics like contraception, divorce, LGBTQ issues, or other moral questions, listen carefully to what is really troubling them about these doctrines. Rather than immediately defending the Church’s position, ask your spouse to explain their thinking and what alternative approach they find more reasonable or ethical. The Catholic faith has rich theological resources and philosophical arguments supporting its teachings, and learning these yourself can help you understand why the Church teaches what it does. You might share books, articles, or podcasts by Catholic authors and theologians who address common objections in respectful, thoughtful ways that do not dismiss your spouse’s concerns. If your spouse asks questions you cannot answer, admit this honestly and offer to explore the question together or to speak with a priest or spiritual director who might have insight. Apologetics, which is the practice of giving reasons for one’s faith, is a legitimate discipline within Catholicism, and learning apologetics can help you have more meaningful conversations with your spouse. However, be careful not to turn conversations into debates where you are trying to “win” an argument, as this typically pushes people away rather than drawing them closer to faith. Your spouse needs to know that their questions are valid and that their concerns deserve thoughtful responses, not dismissal or judgment. Many people return to the faith not because they were argued into it, but because someone they loved showed them that faith and reason can work together and that their questions matter.

The Role of the Parish Community

Sometimes a spouse’s faith crisis stems at least partly from feeling disconnected or unwelcome in their parish community, and helping your spouse find a more welcoming parish might make a real difference. Visit different parishes together to find one where your spouse feels comfortable, where the homilies speak to their concerns, and where parishioners seem genuinely welcoming rather than cliquish or judgmental. Some parishes have ministries specifically for people struggling with faith or going through faith transitions, and your spouse might feel less alone if they knew others were asking similar questions. Introduce your spouse to the priest or parish staff members in ways that show them as real people with struggles and questions rather than as authority figures to be feared or avoided. If your spouse has experienced hurt from the Church in the past, they might benefit from speaking with a priest who specializes in helping people heal from religious trauma or past negative experiences. Parish life should include more than just Sunday Mass; it should involve community, service, and meaningful relationships that help people feel like they belong. If your current parish does not provide this sense of community, exploring other parishes is completely reasonable and not a sign of disloyalty to the Church. Many parishes now offer coffee hours, small group discussions, and service opportunities that help people connect with one another and with their faith in less formal ways. Your spouse might find that volunteering for a parish service project gives them a new way to experience the faith community as something positive and meaningful. A welcoming and active parish community can be instrumental in helping someone rediscover their love for the Church and their desire to practice the faith.

Seeking Professional Help and Spiritual Direction

In some cases, your spouse’s faith crisis may be connected to deeper mental health issues, past trauma, or complex questions that benefit from professional guidance beyond what you can provide as a spouse. A Catholic therapist or counselor can help your spouse work through any trauma connected to religion, whether that happened within the Church or elsewhere in their life. Spiritual direction, which is a practice of working with a trained spiritual director to deepen one’s relationship with God, can be valuable for someone who is questioning their faith. A spiritual director is different from a priest giving confession or a pastor giving advice; they are trained to listen deeply and help people discern their spiritual path without forcing conclusions. If your spouse is dealing with depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges, getting treatment for these conditions might significantly improve their emotional wellbeing and their ability to engage with faith. The Church teaches that caring for our mental health is part of respecting the body and mind God has given us, so seeking therapy is not contrary to faith but supportive of it. You might gently suggest that your spouse speak with a priest about spiritual direction or suggest that you both see a counselor together if there are deeper relationship issues connected to the faith crisis. Many people find that when they address underlying mental health concerns, their perspective on faith and spirituality shifts as well, sometimes leading them back toward their faith practice. It is important that any professional your spouse works with respects their faith journey and does not push them toward or away from Catholicism but rather helps them discern their own path. Supporting your spouse in getting help, whether professional counseling or spiritual direction, shows that you care about their wellbeing and want to understand what is really going on beneath the surface.

Having Honest Conversations About Your Future

At some point, you and your spouse may need to have a honest and careful conversation about how your different faith commitments will affect your marriage and your family going forward. This conversation requires courage, vulnerability, and genuine listening from both partners, as it touches on core values and life direction. Talk about what practicing the faith means to you personally and why it matters in your life, helping your spouse understand that this is not just about Church rules or obligations. Ask your spouse to explain what they need from you regarding faith and religion, whether that is space to figure things out, agreement to raise children in a certain way, or other concerns. Discuss practical questions like whether children will attend religious education, where you will worship on Sundays, and how you will handle important faith moments like baptisms, confirmations, or first communions. Be honest about your own fears and concerns regarding your spouse’s faith crisis, but frame these as your feelings rather than accusations or judgments about your spouse. Listen to your spouse’s fears and concerns about your faith practice as well, as they may worry about feeling judged, pressured, or left behind spiritually. The goal of this conversation is not to convince each other but to understand each other more deeply and to find ways to move forward together with respect and honesty. Many couples find that working with a marriage counselor or a priest experienced in working with interfaith couples can help facilitate this difficult but important conversation. These conversations may need to happen more than once, as both partners continue to grow and change in how they think about faith and their marriage.

Teaching Children in a Mixed-Faith Marriage

If you and your spouse have children together, deciding how to raise them spiritually when one parent has stepped back from the faith requires careful thought and cooperation. Your children deserve to learn about their Catholic faith tradition in age-appropriate ways, even if one parent is not actively practicing right now. Many parishes offer children’s religious education programs that teach the basics of Catholic faith, and these programs can be valuable for children even when one parent does not attend Mass. Involve your spouse in discussions about your children’s religious education whenever possible, asking for their input and concerns about what and how the children are learning. Your spouse may have legitimate points about certain teachings or practices that should be explained in ways children can understand, and their perspective might actually help you communicate faith more effectively. Model for your children how people with different beliefs can respect each other and love each other, as this teaches them about acceptance and compassion in practical ways. Avoid putting children in the middle of your faith disagreement by asking them to spy on their other parent’s beliefs or to convince the other parent to return to the faith. Children are more likely to develop healthy faith when they see their parents treating each other with kindness and respect, even when they disagree about religion. Make sure your children know that they are loved completely by both parents, regardless of what either parent believes or practices. Help your children understand that faith is a personal journey and that they will eventually make their own choices about religion as they grow older. Teaching children in a mixed-faith marriage requires patience, openness, and a commitment to letting them develop their own relationship with God.

Finding Common Ground and Shared Values

Even though you and your spouse may disagree about religious practice and belief, you likely still share many core values that connect you to each other and to your faith. Focus on the values you share, such as love for your family, commitment to treating others with kindness, concern for justice, and desire to live meaningful lives. The Catholic faith teaches many values that resonate with people from many different belief backgrounds, including compassion, honesty, service to others, and care for creation. You might discuss these shared values with your spouse and talk about how you can live them out together in your daily life and in your community. Volunteering together for a cause you both care about, such as feeding the hungry or helping people in need, can connect you to your shared values and to something larger than yourselves. Reading books or watching movies about faith, ethics, or philosophy together might spark meaningful conversations that help you understand each other better. Finding ways to celebrate your shared heritage and traditions, whether these are religious or cultural, can help you maintain connection despite faith differences. Many couples discover that focusing on common ground actually strengthens their marriage because it shifts the focus from what divides them to what unites them. Shared values give you a foundation to build on even when specific religious beliefs differ, and this foundation can help sustain your marriage through difficult times. When you and your spouse can identify and celebrate what you have in common, you are more likely to find patience and compassion for each other’s differences.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

While you want to be supportive and patient with your spouse, it is also important to set healthy boundaries that protect your own faith, your marriage, and your family’s wellbeing. You do not have to pretend to agree with your spouse’s doubts or religious objections just to keep the peace in your marriage. It is reasonable to ask that your spouse not actively discourage your own faith practice or the children’s religious education, even if they are not participating themselves. If your spouse is expressing hostile views about the Church or about your faith, you can gently but firmly let them know that this kind of talk affects you emotionally and hurts your relationship. Boundaries might include agreements about when and where faith discussions happen, how you celebrate religious holidays, and what religious education looks like for your children. You can be respectful and loving toward your spouse while also maintaining your own values and not allowing yourself to be pressured to abandon your faith. If your spouse is asking you to do things that conflict with your Catholic faith, such as using artificial contraception against your conscience or attending services in other religious traditions, you can decline respectfully. Healthy boundaries are not walls that keep you apart; rather, they are guidelines that help you maintain your own wellbeing while showing respect for your spouse. Communication about boundaries should happen calmly and with genuine listening on both sides, not as demands or ultimatums. Setting boundaries actually often improves relationships because both people know what to expect and what is not negotiable for each other.

The Importance of Patience and Long-Term Perspective

One of the most difficult parts of supporting a spouse through a faith crisis is accepting that change may take a very long time, or may not happen in the way or on the timeline you would hope. Faith journeys are deeply personal, and your spouse may need months or even years to work through their doubts, to heal from any religious trauma, and to decide what role faith will play in their life. Expecting your spouse to suddenly return to active practice often leads to disappointment and frustration that damages your relationship and pushes them further away. Instead, try to maintain a long-term perspective that focuses on your marriage and your life together rather than on getting your spouse to believe what you believe. Many people who step away from faith eventually return, sometimes after many years, and sometimes in ways they did not expect or imagine before they left. Their return may look different from where they started, and that is okay; what matters is that they find their way back to some form of faith and practice. Meanwhile, your role is to love your spouse as they are right now, to support them in their struggles, and to remain faithful yourself without resentment about their choices. Keep praying for your spouse, keep living your faith authentically, and trust that God is working in ways you cannot see or understand. Do not measure progress by whether your spouse attends Mass or participates in specific practices, but rather by whether your marriage is growing stronger and your communication is becoming more honest. A long-term perspective helps you respond with patience and compassion rather than frustration and pressure when your spouse’s faith journey does not move as quickly as you would like.

Recognizing When Professional Marriage Counseling Is Needed

If your spouse’s faith crisis is causing significant strain on your marriage, if you are struggling to communicate without arguing, or if you feel your relationship is in danger, professional marriage counseling can be very helpful. A marriage counselor, especially one trained in working with religious differences, can help you and your spouse communicate more effectively and understand each other’s perspectives more deeply. Counseling is not a sign of failure in your marriage; it is a tool for getting help when you are struggling with something too big or complex to handle on your own. A Catholic marriage counselor or one who understands Catholic theology and values can be particularly helpful in working through faith-related conflicts with sensitivity and respect. Many dioceses offer marriage enrichment programs and counseling services, and your parish priest can recommend counselors who work well with Catholic couples. If your spouse is resistant to the idea of counseling, you might frame it not as trying to fix the problem but as a way to improve communication and understanding between you. Even if your spouse will not attend counseling, going yourself can help you develop better coping strategies and ways of responding that do not escalate conflicts. Marriage counseling can help you work through your own feelings about your spouse’s faith crisis, including any fear, anger, or disappointment you are experiencing. Sometimes couples find that once they understand each other better and feel heard by their partner, they are able to navigate their faith differences more peacefully. Getting professional help when you need it shows that you are serious about your marriage and committed to working through this challenge together.

Hope and Trust in God’s Plan

Throughout this difficult process of supporting your spouse through a faith crisis, maintaining hope and trust in God’s plan is essential for your own spiritual wellbeing and for your marriage. The Catholic faith teaches that God is always working for our good, even in situations that feel hopeless or that we do not understand. Your spouse’s faith journey, though it may look different from what you had hoped for, is still part of God’s larger plan for their life and for your marriage. Many people who have walked similar paths testify that what seemed like a disaster at the time eventually led to spiritual growth and deeper faith for both partners. Trust that God loves your spouse even more than you do, and that God is working in their heart in ways you cannot see or measure. Continue to have faith that the sacrament of your marriage is a source of grace and healing, even when that grace seems distant or invisible. Pray for strength to love your spouse well, to respond with wisdom rather than emotion, and to maintain your own faith while supporting theirs. Remember that you are not responsible for your spouse’s faith or for forcing them to believe; your responsibility is to love them faithfully and to live your own faith with integrity. God’s grace is powerful enough to work in situations that seem impossible, and many faith crises that seemed permanent eventually led to reconciliation and renewal. Your trust in God’s plan does not mean being passive or accepting everything without speaking up; it means doing what you can with love and wisdom while trusting that God will do what only God can do. Maintaining hope, even when the situation feels dark, is an act of faith that shows you believe in God’s love and power even more than you believe in the difficulty of your circumstances.

Moving Forward Together

As you work through this challenging season with your spouse, remember that your marriage is bigger than this one issue and that you have more history and shared life together than just this faith struggle. Look back on your relationship and recall the reasons you fell in love with each other, the dreams you shared, and the ways you have supported each other through other difficult times. These memories and your ongoing commitment to your spouse are more important than winning an argument about faith or forcing your spouse to believe what you believe. Focus on building your marriage day by day through small acts of kindness, genuine listening, honest communication, and shared experiences that remind you why you chose each other. As time passes and you both continue to grow and change, your spouse may surprise you with how their thinking evolves and how their relationship with faith develops. Some couples find that their marriage actually becomes stronger after working through a faith crisis, because they have learned to communicate more honestly and to respect each other more deeply. Your spouse needs to know that you love them completely as a person, not conditionally based on their faith status or their willingness to believe what you believe. Continue to pray for your spouse, continue to live your faith faithfully, and continue to show love and respect in your daily interactions. Trust that God is present in your marriage, guiding you and your spouse toward healing and growth. Move forward with courage, compassion, and faith, knowing that many couples have walked this path and found their way to a stronger, more honest, and more authentic marriage.